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By Charles Burke A decision is a quiet, little thing. When Jerry decided to build a house, he told almost nobody. Newly married, he and his bride were living with his widowed mother. One morning he quietly announced, "I believe I'll put up a house on the lot out back." About a month went by, and he said nothing more about it, so his mother forgot about Jerry's new house. She figured he'd just been thinking out loud. Then one day Jerry began digging holes. Soon after that, a cement truck came, and then a big load of lumber. The house gradually took shape in the evenings and weekends that followed. And during the ten months it took him to complete the project, Jerry discussed it with surprisingly few people. He first got his mother's okay. Then he sought the advice of a carpenter at work. And finally he got prices and suggestions from the lumber yard and hardware supplier. Other than that, he said little to anybody. When friends would drop over to discuss how he was doing, he'd ask them to hold or carry something. Or he'd simply change the subject. Later I asked him why he hadn't wanted to talk about the project while he was in the middle of it. He said, "Most folks talk their ideas to death. I didn't want to talk about the house, I wanted to live in it." When Julie decided to lose weight, she didn't tell anybody. Instead, she stopped off at the library on the way home one day and picked up a few books on diet and nutrition. Then she took lots of notes. Next, she simply ate different foods. "Soon," she said, "Pizza didn't look like food to me anymore. Neither did pies or cakes." Julie lost more than 35 pounds (16 kilos) and has kept it off for over four years. That's a REAL decision - one that produces results. And the results have lasted. So how do you make real decisions... the kind that get things done... the kind that don't collapse the first time you try to implement them? To answer that, let's look at some of the characteristics of real decisions. 1. It's not willpower When you decide to reach for your glass and take a sip of water, you don't flog yourself with willpower. You don't grunt and strain and try to motivate yourself to pick up that glass - you can do it! - come on, keep trying! - Just a little bit farther! - you'll make it! - think positive now! None of that nonsense. The act of reaching out and picking up the glass is almost simultaneous with the thought. And that's all a decision is. If you'll study carefully what you do in the simple things, you'll soon know the secret of making effective decisions in the big things. And the first lesson is, there's no willpower involved. You think it and you do it. There are few or no intervening steps. We'll discuss this a bit further in a moment. 2. It's not a survey Jerry didn't go around asking all his friends what they thought about his building a new house. He knew he wanted it, and that was enough. The only talking he did was to gather the information he needed to do the job. No wasted effort. Think back to the last big decision you made - to start a business, to seek a new job, or to begin body building - whatever it was, how many people did you discuss it with? If you went around talking about it with half the people you know, it's likely the project lost much of its urgency. The main reason we seek others' opinions and input is because we're not confident. We want people to reassure us that we can do it. However, in the process of talking, we give the project away. It becomes the property of all those people whose opinion we sought. Soon it's more their project than ours. If you want a decision to stay alive, you've got to own it yourself. When you share ownership of an idea, you dilute its power. 3. It's not a publicity campaign Some teachers recommend that you announce your new project loudly, telling anybody who'll listen what you intend to do. This is the "Now I'll HAVE to do it, or be ashamed forever" approach. This may be a valid method for those people who are motivated more by pride / shame than they are by satisfaction / disappointment. The method has never worked for me. It is the specialty of big-ego, high-achievers who live in the limelight. Many trainers and teachers fall into this category, and when they teach, they pass along techniques that work for them. And they do this in good faith. Unfortunately, some of their advice doesn't apply to people with less ego-driven needs. This is not a criticism of large egos. That's the way they're wired, and it's perfectly valid for them. But that type of person is a special case, and what works for them may have little to do with you and me. The large-ego person lives and dies by how they can get others to perceive them. They eat, breathe and sleep high visibility. Most of us do not. So if you've tried that approach in the past and it didn't work, you may find more success in the quieter, more personal approach. 4. It IS quiet When you decide to reach out and pick up that glass of water, there is no perceptible time between the thought and the act. Why? It's because you already know from long experience that you can do it. No self-doubts interfere. No nagging self worth issues hold you back. You don't have to work at motivating yourself to pick up the water. You just do it. We ask other people's opinion when we tackle bigger projects usually because of our need for reassurance. In the larger efforts, we don't have the same self confidence that we can draw upon in the small, familiar things. As you're reading this article, you reach the bottom of the screen and you scroll down. That decision to scroll is so quiet, so automatic, you may not even realize you're making it. But that's how a real decision works. Again, no willpower is involved. 5. It IS adaptable Sometimes you don't have all the information you need before you can act. Say you're sitting in the dark when you decide to reach for that glass of water. You're not sure where the glass is. You'll grope tentatively left and right, moving your hand carefully forward till you find the glass. Once you've found it, however, the action returns to the same familiar pattern: grip the glass, lift it, put it to your mouth and drink. It's in this groping phase that trouble can enter. If you're over-confident, you could reach out blindly and tip the glass over. Under-confidence, on the other hand, can keep you from ever finding the glass. This natural instinct to grope forward is another big reason we go around asking for advice and opinions. If you're not sure where you want to go, you ask others. However, in your eagerness for approval, you may be asking people who know even less than you do. When Jerry decided to build a house, he only talked with people who know about building houses. Julie went to the library and consulted books on the subject of foods and nutrition. In effect, she was asking authors who knew about diets. She didn't turn to her close friends (many of whom knew less about food than Julie did). So it's important to recognize that the first stages of implementing a new decision may involve groping around for information. However, it's also important to seek your information where you're most likely to find it. You've decided to start a new Internet business? Who do you talk to? Your friend the couch potato, or somebody who has actually done it? The answer to this one is obvious, but it's surprising how many people do the exact opposite. 6. What to use instead of willpower When we think we're facing a new and unfamiliar task, we call upon willpower to drive ourselves forward, to brace ourselves for the mighty struggle. This tells a lot about our attitude toward new experiences. But there's an easier way to do things, a way that looks almost too simple. Many people know about this method, but most of them use it only sporadically, if at all, even though it's been highly recommended by the most successful people throughout history. The method? Mental rehearsal. Visualization. Imagining a future event over and over till it becomes familiar... so familiar that when you reach out to do the thing you have imagined, it's already well-known territory and you do it automatically, almost without thought; as automatic as reaching for that glass of water, or as scrolling down this page. You've read about this technique before, but you may not have spent much time analyzing why it works. It's very simple, really. When you mentally rehearse something, you're turning on the light before you reach for the glass. Then when you reach, you already know the territory. And you just do it. So when you stop trying to implement your decisions with willpower, you'll find you get far more accomplished with far less struggle. Because a decision really is just a quiet little thing. © Charles Burke About the Author Charles Burke is the author of Command More Luck, a book offering powerful suggestions for getting more cooperation from life, luck, and your own mind. Whether you call it synchronicity, serendipity, or just plain old luck, you CAN become more "naturally lucky." http://www.moreluck.com |