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by Charles Burke AXIOM 1: The kind of thoughts that fill your mind will create the same kind of events to fill your life. AXIOM 2: Joy feels good, and it's safe. Those two items are all the theory we're going to need for this discussion. The remaining 1,644 words will be how-to. Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "Man is what he thinks about all day long." And best-selling author Dr. Joseph Murphy, in his landmark book "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind," wrote: "Whatever thoughts, beliefs, opinions, theories, or dogmas you write, engrave, or impress on your subconscious mind, you will experience them as the objective manifestation of circumstances, conditions, and events. What you write on the inside, you will experience on the outside." Teachers continually remind us that we should think about what we want. They tell us that if we spend our time fixated on what we don't want, or what we're afraid of, we'll get more of the bad stuff and less of the good. Likewise, they say, if we hold our thoughts on good things, happy things, pleasant things - well then, that's the shape our lives will take. So the logical question is... how do you do that? How do you keep your mind concentrated on good things? Especially when you're surrounded by nothing but problems? Sometimes on coaching calls I'll hear comments like: "Man, you have no idea the tough situation I've got. If you had to live with what I'm facing every day, you wouldn't spout such nonsense. Just show me how to get out from under some of these problems, and that will make me happy automatically." Years ago, that was my belief, too. Of course, when you've grown up believing that life happens to us (instead of the other way around), it can be difficult to stop believing in the power of problems. See if any of these sound familiar: * My parent (child) causes me constant grief * The government is out to mess people over * I'm reasonable, but nobody will cooperate * I love him (her) but he (she) just makes me so angry * Every time I get a little ahead, something always happens * This self-help stuff works for everybody but me * I guess I was just born unlucky These are all things we've heard at one time or another. In fact, most of us have said them. But every one of these examples has one thing in common; a single thread runs through all of them. That common thread is the silent assumption that the cause of everything that happens to you - the good and the bad - is "out there" in the world around you... that it's in events... that it's in those other people who are causing you problems. Most people really do believe that we're more or less powerless recipients of whatever life rains down on us. We even have a word for it. We call it "luck." Others may prefer the terms "fate" or "destiny." But every one of these words implies that the power is out there somewhere - that we are not the cause of what's happening. This is not correct. Now, I won't go into great detail on this point. If you'd like to read more about where the power really lies, check past articles at the www.SizzlingEdge.com website. Today we'll concentrate on just 3 steps to building a more joy-filled reality. And we'll do this by learning to direct our thoughts deliberately, rather than having our thoughts controlled by outside events or other people. Step 1: Take emotional inventory In the course of your life, you have experienced emotions that cover a whole broad spectrum, ranging from the deepest sadness to the highest joys. You're going to use those past experiences to create some new emotional skills. Then, equipped with these new skills, you'll begin to take charge of your life, literally creating a whole new set of experiences for yourself. You'll do it using nothing but your feelings and a little imagination. But first you'll need an inventory of past experiences. With them, you can convert your present into a warm, supportive and friendly time. And your future - you can start looking forward eagerly to better times, more successes and greater joy than you've ever known before. This will take a little time, so be sure to set aside maybe 15 to 20 minutes every day for a week. That's approximately two hours, but it'll be spread out over several days, so it won't take much of a bite out of your daily routine. First, fold a piece of regular notebook paper vertically down the middle. Put the heading HAPPY at the top of one column. Likewise, put UNHAPPY at the top of the other side. Second, relax and think back over the years until you find several happy memories. Times when you felt successful, lucky, loved or overjoyed with your life. We're not necessarily looking for big events in your life, but those would be the first place to look. A success in business or in school. A marriage. A promotion. The birth of a child. That kind of thing. Write down 5 to 10 memories that can light you up when you think about them. Please note, however, that it doesn't HAVE to be a world- changing event. One of my proudest and most useful memories is of a baseball game when I was 12 years old. Third, on the left-hand side of the paper, do the same thing for unhappy, unsuccessful or angering experiences. Don't spend a lot of time dwelling on them. That's for later. Right now, all you need to do is write down 5 to 10 items that can still stir up resentment, shame or anger when you think about them. Now forget those for the moment. Step 2: Re-run past joys We're going to practice re-triggering those joyful emotions. We'll do that by vividly recalling the memories that the emotions are attached to. This is a skill you already have a great deal of experience with. You may have used it more often, however, to call up past disappointments. How often do you replay stressful conversations? You may be rerunning an experience over and over in your mind, wishing you'd said something different, remembering how angry you got. Indeed, just thinking about it, you can anger yourself all over again. And although you may not realize it yet, that's good. That's good because if you can so easily stir up your emotions with negative memories, you can also do it with positive memories. In fact, the more skilled you already are, the more equipped you are to take control of your joyful memories and emotions. Over the next week, sit for about 15 minutes a day and call up your pleasant memories. Don't force yourself to "feel something" when you think about the experiences. Just sit and recall what happened, what they said and you said and they said. The jokes, the pleasantries, the colors and sounds and smells. Remember how you felt. Actually get into the experience, just as you would if it were a negative memory. If you really spend some time concentrating, you'll find that the positive emotions will come up automatically. Soon you may feel the tug of a smile on your lips. After you've spent some time with the good feelings of one memory, move to another one. Spend enough time with each until the appropriate emotions come up. Practice until you can consistently get the emotions to come quickly and strongly. Sometimes I hear the question: If you spend too much time thinking over the good times, won't you dilute them and wash out the good feeling? No you won't. You've never diluted the negative feelings associated with a disappointing experience, have you? In fact, more frequent review almost always makes them stronger. You'll notice the same effect with your positive emotions. They'll keep getting stronger as you reinforce them over and over. Spend at least a week getting familiar with the good feelings, learning how to turn them on at will. Step 3: Re-run past negatives - then interrupt them Next, we'll start bringing in the negative emotions. But our intention here is not to reinforce them. We want to take the power from the negatives and transfer it to the positives. This is how we'll do it. Sit and think about one of the unhappy memories from your list. Dwell on it. Really get into the memory and make sure you start feeling the associated emotion of anger, hurt or fear. Feel it strongly. When you've got it going nice and strong, suddenly jump to the other column. Start thinking about one of your happy memories. Concentrate on it and bring up the happy emotions. This will totally displace the unhappy feelings that filled your mind just seconds earlier. Do this again and again. Really practice it. Think about the unhappy memories till they affect your emotions, then suddenly switch to a joyous memory and feel it instantly changing your mood. This may seem like a silly exercise, but within it lies the power to KNOW - unarguably and forever - that you have the power to decide what you will feel. YOU will have the power, not events outside of yourself. And the next time you find yourself in an upsetting situation, it will be just as simple as this exercise to put your thoughts on a more joyous course. You will never again have to be the victim of others who try to manipulate you, your thoughts, your feelings or your reactions. YOU will have the power. So that's it. Three steps. Now all you need to do is repeat the drills till they become second nature. Then, when a potentially threatening person or stressful situation arises, you can simply insert your new joyful reaction in place of the old, fearful one. You'll be able, consciously and deliberately, to feel confidence instead of fear, joy in the place of anger. YOU will have the power. With this skill, you'll be in charge of how you feel, how you respond to events, how you experience other people. You'll be the cause in your own life. Take these three steps, and YOU will have the power. © Charles Burke About the Author Charles Burke is the author of Command More Luck, a book offering powerful suggestions for getting more cooperation from life, luck, and your own mind. Whether you call it synchronicity, serendipity, or just plain old luck, you CAN become more "naturally lucky." http://www.moreluck.com |