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by Charles Burke Michael liked earning $280,000 a year. But everything else about his job stunk: the 90-hour weeks; the pressure; his boss. Yes, the pay was good. But as Michael said, "It takes a big chunk of cheese to keep a rat running this maze day after day." Occasionally he thought about quitting - just walking away. Then he would remind himself of all his responsibilities. The lease on his Manhattan apartment. The payments on his Jaguar. The monthly service on his six platinum credit cards - they constantly stayed near the max. Even his therapist was a necessary expense. Dr. Eck was the only thing keeping him sane. Then one day, his accountant jokingly remarked how lucky he was that Michael was not an artist. If Michael were just a painter, his expenses would drop nearly to zero, and he wouldn't need an accountant. A few bucks for paints, canvas, brushes and turps - a bicycle for transportation - maybe a loft somewhere in Jersey. Even clothes from a recycle shop. That unexpected remark hit a hidden nerve. Michael had seriously studied art in University, but had put that dream out of his head after graduation. He'd felt pressured to "get a real job and make something of himself." His parents were proud of his success. His fiance had been proud of him, too, before his 80 and 90-hour work schedule had gradually come between them. She had drifted away, found somebody else, and Michael hadn't even noticed till a couple of months after her marriage. All that success, Michael admitted to himself, just was not fun. He had no social life, except a steady round of repetitious parties with co-workers, clients and bosses. Then, prompted by the accountant's remark, Michael did the unthinkable. He handed in his resignation. Everyone assumed he was joking of course. Or crazy. He'd change his mind and stay, they all predicted. After all, what about his pay, perks and parachute - his retirement? What about his career? His bills? "The day I walked away from all that success, I felt like I'd just been released from prison," he said later. "I felt free as a bird. I could go do anything. Anything." And suddenly life was fun again. He cut up his credit cards (scissors slice through platinum cards just like regular plastic). He moved out of the apartment, let the bank repossess the car, found a small place to live, and got a more comfortable wardrobe. And he started painting again. His small savings account hadn't covered the bills he'd run up, so there were several months of harassing phone calls. He took his phone out for a year. He wanted to spend more time getting used the paints again, anyway. Michael is a hard, steady worker, and he loves what he's doing now. So he's building a reputation among the smaller, more exclusive galleries as the crazy Madison Avenue guy who threw it all away for the sake of art. The guy who wanted fun. And now he's got fun, because he was finally honest with himself. He got honest, then he got out - out of a situation he hated. Many people are in Michael's shoes. With sizeable paychecks and a key to the executive washroom, they have it made. They have it made, that is, unless they ever stop peddling 100 miles an hour. Others, however, have never gotten to that rarefied level. Despite all their work, they never reach the "success" that Michael and his peers have achieved. Josh was a hard worker. He put in the long hours, gave up his weekends, and had no social life. He was intensely loyal to the company. But somehow he was never invited to work on the important projects. He was always shunted aside to the secondary stuff. Josh wasn't having any fun either. And after five long years, he chose a course very similar to the one that Michael took. He left the job he hated and went back to school to become a paramedic. As Josh says, "Now every single day, I'm making a difference in somebody's life. This is too intense to call fun, but I love doing it because I see it counting for something." Josh never runs into his old co-workers, but Michael does now and then. They come nosing around, looking for bargains on his increasingly popular paintings. And if no one else is around, they'll almost always self- consciously sidle up to Michael and half-whisper, half snicker something like, "So what's it like, having complete freedom?" He tells them how great it is, but he can see in their eyes, they don't really understand what they're asking. "Freedom" is a vague, distant concept with no connection to themselves. Michael and Josh were in prestigious companies and found themselves unhappy, unfulfilled. But you don't have to have a high profile position to be unhappy. Mary was a stay-at-home housewife who desperately wanted to go back to running an office like she had when she was single. Frank was a mechanic who was good with his hands, but he was even better with people. He wanted to go out and sell. Susan wanted to be married to her fiance of seven years. Dating just wasn't enough any more. And Tony had driven a taxi for 7 years. He got the job right out of high school, got married and had four kids. He loved his home life, but the job didn't offer any chance of advancement. Fortunately, Terry, his wife saw Tony's true potential. She talked Tony into starting an Internet business, and with her natural sales talent, and Tony's organization ability, they made a great team. Working together, they're making almost as much as Tony brought home alone, but now they spend their time together. And the kids are starting to take part in the family business, as well. And equally important, there's potential for growth. So what do you do if YOUR life isn't fun? If you're not enjoying what you're doing, it's important first to check whether you're going through a temporary down period. Everybody has those spells, sometimes. Even the best of jobs has its occasional off day. That's nothing to worry about. But if you're dragging through one endless day after another, and you haven't seen any hope of change for a long, long time, then maybe you should start looking for the exit door. Here are a few suggestions to help you in evaluating your situation and deciding on a course of action. FIRST: Don't throw out the good with the bad. When things are rough in one area of your life, it's easy to start thinking everything is wrong. Letting your outlook turn sour can make everything in your life look hopeless, but that's seldom true. If you can't stand your boss, don't lash out at your spouse, kids or parents. Be realistic. It's okay to recognize that some things are bad, but you can let other things be good. That will help you more realistically assess what you need to do when the time comes to make changes. You want to make changes that help, not hurt. SECOND: Have a plan. Don't ever jump out of an airplane without a parachute, and don't ever quit a job or walk away from a long-term relationship without some idea of where you're going and what you'll do next. That job may be awful, or that marriage may be the pits, but it has been a part of your life for quite a while - maybe years. If you suddenly walk away with no replacement, you'll find a big empty place within yourself. Big empty places in our emotional selves tend to cause depression, confusion and even emotional paralysis. That job or relationship, no matter how terrible, formed a big chunk of your sense of self. If it suddenly disappears, you can become overwhelmed by the hole that's left. It's easier to fill a void if you start before the hole is completely empty. THIRD: Expect to work for that fun. Change alone can be exhilerating, but that kind of thrill doesn't last. If finding something deeper and more lasting doesn't come from the change you make, you'll soon need to change again, and again, just to keep the excitement alive. The kind of fun we're talking about here is not the kind you find at parties, night clubs or ball games. No, the fun we're discussing is the satisfaction of doing something that is really, deeply meaningful to you, like Michael's painting, or Josh's paramedic work. That means you'll need to do a deep, careful inventory of the things you care about. This can take days or even weeks, but once you've gone through the process, you'll know yourself far better than you ever have before. You may think now that your ideal day would consist of watching television from morning alarm to bedtime at night. Highly unlikely. Where's the meaning? The contribution to others' well-being? Look for these things, and you'll begin finding what really lights your fire. FOURTH: There'll be an adjustment phase. Michael had to face the "disgrace" of being unable to pay off his bills. I don't recommend leaving honest debts unpaid, but he was willing to face it because he considered it the shortest path from where he was to where he wanted to go. Tony and Terry had much to learn before they were ready to run a real business. First, there were all the details of putting up and running a website. And second, they discovered that even an Internet business is - surprise - a real business, and it must be run like one. Neither of them had any business experience, but they buckled down and learned what they needed. Likewise, whatever change you decide to bring into your life will also require some growth, some adjustment, some getting used to a new way of life. FIFTH: Be ready to keep changing. One big change can get you out of an awful rut and make your days feel wonderful again. But that one change seldom lasts forever. You don't want to become addicted to change for its own sake, but you also don't want to dig yourself into a new rut that becomes as bad as the old one you just left. Life is not a place. It's not a thing. It's a process. And a process is - change. A constant flow of variations in status. So once you decide to shake up your life in search of more fun, be ready to experience that flow. It's exhilerating. Of course it can be scary at times, too, but only if you ever let yourself forget that the purpose of life is to live... to enjoy that constant flow and change. As you look around and begin evaluating what you want to change in your life, there's an excellent yardstick by which you can judge everything that happens to you. Just hang onto this thought: if it isn't fun, it isn't success. © Charles Burke About the Author Charles Burke is the author of Command More Luck, a book offering powerful suggestions for getting more cooperation from life, luck, and your own mind. Whether you call it synchronicity, serendipity, or just plain old luck, you CAN become more "naturally lucky." http://www.moreluck.com |